Date: Mon, 19 Jul 1999 23:10:01 -0700 Subject: 6Traits Digest #30 - 07/19/99 From: "SixTraitsMailring" <6Traits@> To: "SixTraitsMailring" <6Traits@> MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=iso-8859-1 Content-transfer-encoding: quoted-printable Sender: <6Traits@> Precedence: Bulk List-Software: LetterRip Pro 3.0.5 by Fog City Software, Inc. List-Subscribe: List-Digest: List-Unsubscribe: 6Traits Digest #30 - Monday, July 19, 1999 Re: 6Traits- Ideas #1 by "dennis.ada.swanson" Re: 6Traits- Ideas #2 - 7/12/99 by "dennis.ada.swanson" Re: 6Traits- Ideas - Example #3 rated on rubric by "Irene" Ideas - Assignment #1 by "shelley warren" Re: 6Traits- Ideas - Example #3-QUESTIONS by "dennis.ada.swanson" Example #4 by "dennis.ada.swanson" Some thoughts from you? by "Susan Nixon" <susan@desertskyone.com> ***Word Choice #1 *** 7/19/99 by "Susan Nixon" <susan@desertskyone.com> ***Word Choice #2 *** 7/19/99 ***Assignment*** by "Susan Nixon" <susan@desertskyone.com> From another planet by "Susan Nixon" <susan@desertskyone.com> Re: 6Traits- ***Word Choice #2 *** 7/19/99 ***Assignment*** by Re: 6Traits- ***Word Choice #2 *** 7/19/99 ***Assignment*** by Pet Peeves by "Susan Nixon" <susan@desertskyone.com> Re: 6Traits- ***Word Choice #2 *** 7/19/99 ***Assignment*** by Re: 6Traits- Ideas ideas by "Amy Schrader" ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits- Ideas #1 From: "dennis.ada.swanson" Date: Mon, 19 Jul 1999 10:54:41 -0400 As I was reading this excerpt...and as I reflected back on my own piece I shared (Little Rabbit's Loose Tooth)...I was wondering if we could each identify what the IDEA was that we thought was conveyed by each other's pieces... and when we talk about a child's piece (the younger they are, the more limited the piece, probably) are we talking about their idea for the WHOLE piece... ....in a BOOK, there must be many BIG ideas and a lot of little ideas, even per chapter, that that the author develops. Does this need to be discusses with the children at all... ....idea has eluded me a little bit by the vastness of the "idea"...am I way off base, or can someone help me out here? Sometimes I let myself get weighted (weighed?) down by the philosophy of it all. Ada "We are all works in progress!" "Where there's will, there's a way!" first grade North Syracuse, New York -----Original Message----- From: jimnkath To: SixTraitsMailring <6Traits@> Date: Sunday, July 18, 1999 11:16 PM Subject: 6Traits- Ideas #1 >Firstly sorry this is so late ! I had 2 kids with birthdays and I am not = on >vacation . > >Anyway from Paul Jennings who has achieved legend status with Australian kids >for his quirky and outrageous stories. > >I ride like I have never ridden before. The wind whips my hair. I puff. I pant. >Sweat runs into my eyes. I ride up Wheeler's Hill without getting off my bike. >No one has ever ridden up Wheeler's Hill before. My heart is hurting. My legs >are aching > >Kathy Ferguson >4/5 >Queensland ,Australia > > > > > > > ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits- Ideas #2 - 7/12/99 From: "dennis.ada.swanson" Date: Mon, 19 Jul 1999 10:58:18 -0400 WOW (sorry for putting this here...considered a private message...but did this grab me more than others because I avoid "fraternizing" with even a hint of doom whenever I can... and there are those out there (I'm not talking of the list, but of those we are around) who seem to delight in the message of doom!!! Ada "We are all works in progress!" "Where there's will, there's a way!" first grade North Syracuse, New York -----Original Message----- From: DWsoc@aol.com To: 6Traits@ <6Traits@> Date: Tuesday, July 13, 1999 8:27 PM Subject: Re: 6Traits- Ideas #2 - 7/12/99 >From Illusions by Richard Bach: > >"To this day I can't say what came over me. It was just that doom = feeling, >and it drove me out, away from even the strange curious fellow that was >Donald Shimoda. If I have to fraternize with doom, even the Messiah Himself >is not powerful enough to make me hang around. > >David >2nd >Denver > > ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits- Ideas - Example #3 rated on rubric From: Irene Date: Mon, 19 Jul 1999 09:23:48 -0600 I think that Example #3 (Vegetarianism) fits in Level 4 (Competent) because the main idea is clear and there is a variety of supporting details. It does not rate a 5 or 6 because there is no Balance to the article - the other side is not represented at all. (This may even be a 3 but there seems to be a bit of passion involved here and I don't think the writer would take well to a 3 - That the writing lacks a review of "the other side" is, however, indisputable.) Irene ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Ideas - Assignment #1 From: shelley warren Date: Mon, 19 Jul 1999 12:13:03 -0400 (EDT) Ideas - Assignment #1 From Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden "I wasn't born and raised to be a Kyoto geisha. I wasn't even born in Kyoto. I'm a fisherman's daughter from a little town called Yoroido on the Sea of Japan. In all my life I've never told more than a handful of people anything at all about Yoroido, or about the house in which I grew up, or about my mother or father, or my older sister--and certainly not about how I became a geisha, or what it was like to be one. Most people would much rather carry on with their fantasies that my mother and grandmother were geisha, and that I began my training in dance when I was weaned from the breast, and so on. As a matter of fact, one day many years ago I was pouring a cup of sake for a man who happened to mention that he had been in Yoroido only the previous week. Well, I felt as a bird must feel when it has flown across the ocean and comes upon a creature that knows its nest. I was so shocked I couldn't stop myself from saying:" Shelley Warren 4th West Yellowstone, MT _________________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Get your free @yahoo.com address at http://mail.yahoo.com ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits- Ideas - Example #3-QUESTIONS From: "dennis.ada.swanson" Date: Mon, 19 Jul 1999 14:16:39 -0400 FIRST some questions and then my take: Example #3 Vegetarianism Is the IDEA to support being a vegetarian? Is the IDEA to tell what a vegetarian is? Is the IDEA to persuade others to be vegetarians? Is the IDEA really a lot of little IDEAS that work for the main IDEA? Am I being ridiculous...I really am not trying to. I'm just trying to understand this so when I am actually looking at student's pieces (and I know it should - hopefully - be a lot simpler when it is a primary student's piece) but It is hard sometimes to hear the IDEA over the VOICE... and I know the traits combine to make a really good piece, and there are not necessarily easy answers... but I wondered if someone could clarify for me... At any rate, I would think this vegetarian piece would rate a 3 to a 4. There is a central idea. There are supporting details...some credible, some not...and no real reference to authority except what the writer/person being written about "thinks." AS FOR THE CREDIBLE references, as someone pointed out, there are "at least" two sides to the issue (many more with the various types of vegetarianism and the various groups who have a stake in this such as vegetable growers, cattle ranchers, etc.). Ada "We are all works in progress!" "Where there's will, there's a way!" first grade North Syracuse, New York ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Example #4 From: "dennis.ada.swanson" (by way of Susan Nixon <susan@desertskyone.com>) Date: Mon, 19 Jul 1999 12:36:35 -0700 WOW...I'm stepping on thin ground here. Let me just say I am truly impressed...and I think I see a published author in the making, if you are not already published. I would probably give parts of this a 5 and parts of it a 6...and a couple of parts a 4... .....but then I have to remember this was a JOURNAL entry...and could I really rate a journal entry based on the criteria I might be aske dto use on a finished piece....or am I rating something for the purpose of giving direction for the next step to take?... being such a baby learner in this 6-traits process, am I confusing voice and idea, or am I reacting to how it affects me personally (here I should probably have a checklist for idea rubric) I give the parts a 4 that seem to be statements of information that is true, but more just laying out of facts. This is the plants of the desert, people of the desert, and animals of the desert...statements of facts that could be verified by looking in a text et al or by being there. (Is that mixing or confusing voice with idea?) The parts I would give a 5 or 6 are the ones that impart the information without seeming textbooky...like there is some personal information that gives insight into the facts. WOW again....my skin tingles when I think I see a book here that has your name on it. You give such voice (and I think I see here that that is what is speaking to me) to what it is really like in the desert. If you take your first paragraph and put it with the desert rat parts (though it wouldn't be the first paragraph, necessarily) and massage it a bit, I can see it in the non-fiction section (perhaps fictionalized a bit to give it voice) of Barnes and Noble and on Amazon. com.... seriously. I was really moved. Now the parts I rated 4 (probably erroneously) could be extra info in the back of the book, along the edges like a Magic School Bus type format, or as separate books with a different "voice" speaking or with desert rat as the autor of several books like this. Hey, could you sell this idea to apublisher??? (I am really not a critic..just a first grade teacher.........) And now can you tell me how I separate voice from idea... and how you consider credible info from that which is not without actual references, etc. I think the latter part has to do with opinion versus factual info...though some can write so the two seem the same. I'm sorry if this sounds confusing. I will probably read this later when it arrives in my mailbox and think I'm an idiot.. but a sincere one! NOW, SUSAN NIXON has copyright on her ideas from her journal that she shared, so NO ONE CAN STEAL THEM =3D) smile! Ada "We are all works in progress!" "Where there's will, there's a way!" first grade North Syracuse, New York ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Some thoughts from you? From: Susan Nixon <susan@desertskyone.com> Date: Mon, 19 Jul 1999 12:41:18 -0700 I forwarded a note from Ada about Example #4. She has some good questions on the difference between voice and idea. I have sent her my thoughts, which I will post to the ring later, but if you have any thoughts, please send them to the list so we can discuss this. I want to be sure we all have an understanding of some of the issues Ada raises. There are some new people on the list. If you didn't get Example #4, e-me and I will send it to you, so you can see what we are discussing. I do want to clarify one thing. While we might look at a student piece, for instance from a journal, before it is finished, and make an interim rubric assessment, to help a student improve in the trait, it is only finished pieces which should be evaluated for a student's progress on that continuum which I keep mentioning. Even if you have helped a student by pointing out things which will = improve voice or ideas, or another trait, it is the student who does the final revising and who can be judged based on that final version. Susan Nixon 2nd Grade Phoenix, AZ ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: ***Word Choice #1 *** 7/19/99 From: Susan Nixon <susan@desertskyone.com> Date: Mon, 19 Jul 1999 15:46:16 -0700 Ready for week #3? This week's trait is Word Choice. I'm not taking these in any particular order. I don't think it matters. You can mix them up to suit yourself = and your students. Short and sweet: Word Choice is: Lively verbs Original and deliberate choices Special moments Visual Specific and precise To expand: *Lively, active verbs are a top priority *Correct words are good, precise words are spectacular *Precision demonstrated in choosing words and phrases to match the purpose for writing *Well-crafted natural language is more effective than thesaurus overload *Variety, originality, and accuracy are valued over redundancy, jargon, = and slang Key Question: Do the words and phrases create vivid pictures and linger in your mind? That fourth one is very important. We've all read pieces with words which didn't fit, which were obviously taken from a thesaurus list. Probably = not all of those pieces came from students! There are shades of meaning in many words. One of the beauties of English to me is that there are *so* many word choices! Of course, that's one of the things that makes it a difficult language to master, as well. Susan Nixon 2nd Grade Phoenix, AZ ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: ***Word Choice #2 *** 7/19/99 ***Assignment*** From: Susan Nixon <susan@desertskyone.com> Date: Mon, 19 Jul 1999 15:54:42 -0700 Here are some examples of word choice. Ask yourself, "Can I see it?" *The black asphalt was crumbling off at the sides, and the paint on the court was chipping and wearing out, proof that there wasn't a day this court didn't get used. The hoops were almost opposite. One was older, bent, the backboard slightly cracked, and leaning a hair to the right." *. . . the sound of your mother's coveted Ray Charles record, scratched a= nd skipping, snaking into every room. *We walked into the house. It was dark, scary, and damp inside. There w= ere=20 cobwebs and spiders hanging from the ceiling. Even though we were scared= , we=20 decided to check out the rest of the old house. =20 *All of a sudden, a light went on and four aliens surrounded us. They=20 looked like deer but had four eyes, a scorpion-like tail, and were blue. = Two=20 of the eyes were where they belonged, but the other two eyes were on top = of=20 their tentacles sticking out from the top of their heads. They didn=92t = have=20 any mouths. They spoke directly into people=92s minds. This is a trait that doesn't shine in any one genre, but can be found in all of them. Word Choice is very important, because it fosters the pictu= re that forms in our minds, determining whether or not the writer has communicated with the reader. Individual Assignment: Find a passage from a favorite author which you think demonstrates word choice. Share it with the group. Children's aut= hors, children authors, or your favorite free time reading author. mailto:6Traits@ =20 Susan Nixon 2nd Grade Phoenix, AZ ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: From another planet From: Susan Nixon <susan@desertskyone.com> Date: Mon, 19 Jul 1999 15:56:41 -0700 Here are some lighter moments of word choice for you to contemplate: *We had no time for magnanimous. *Our bus impelled into a nice motel. *Mom and dad renewed their wedding vowels. *Our town used to be run by hores and wangs. (horses and wagons) and the ever popular - *Jose, can you see? (Oh, say can you see....) ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits- ***Word Choice #2 *** 7/19/99 ***Assignment*** From: Shellygarc@aol.com Date: Mon, 19 Jul 1999 19:15:13 EDT "But the child was as light as a feather in his hands and the lightness = took his breath away. The baby wore a seer-sucker sunsuit that left his tiny = arms and shoulders bare, and Billy covered these with a cupped palm as he = rested the child against his chest. The flesh was as sweetly warm as if the hand = of god had just formed it. He blew softly across the chld's downy hair and closed his eyes to say "Now now, little fellow. Now now." from Charming Billy, by Alice McDermott Simple, but beautiful. Makes you really remember how sweet it is to hold = a sleeping baby. Shelley/1st/CA ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits- ***Word Choice #2 *** 7/19/99 ***Assignment*** From: Shellygarc@aol.com Date: Mon, 19 Jul 1999 19:19:47 EDT And my PET PEEVE is the word "utilized". Who made up this word? What is wrong with just plain old "used"? Shelley ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Pet Peeves From: Susan Nixon <susan@desertskyone.com> Date: Mon, 19 Jul 1999 16:51:38 -0700 >And my PET PEEVE is the word "utilized". Who made up this word? What is = >wrong with just plain old "used"? Oh, I bet we could have a great pet peeve discussion here! =3D) I agree with that one completely. Mine are things like return back and irregardless. How did those extra parts get in there??? =3D) Susan Nixon (who also teaches students to say "I wish I *were*" and "if I *were*") 2nd Grade Phoenix, AZ ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits- ***Word Choice #2 *** 7/19/99 ***Assignment*** From: Aim246@aol.com Date: Mon, 19 Jul 1999 21:56:22 EDT Oh how I wish I had my book collection home with me. As soon as I read the = assignment I knew exactly the book I would take a few sentences from. Actually I could turn to any page in this book and it would show excellent = word choices. The title of the book is Owl Moon. If you have read this = book I know you know what I mean. The author describes the night so eloquently. = You feel the chill of the cold frigid night air and you can visualize how it = must have looked without even looking at the wonderful illustrations offered in = this book. I have to apologize because I do not even know the author's name. I hope you have all read this book. Another book that comes to mind would be = Charlotte's Web. I do need to go to school and pick up some of these = books. They are waxing the floors so I am not allowed in my room until they are completely done and dried...Sorry!! Cathy (and Mindi) (looping team) ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits- Ideas ideas From: Amy Schrader Date: Mon, 19 Jul 1999 23:24:55 -0400 (EDT) One thing that I use to help my students is to teach them the importance of narrowing the scope. Sometimes it is difficult to find the main idea or purpose in a piece (like the vegetarian piece we looked at) because the author hasn't narrowed down the scope of the piece and has tried to write about more than one idea in a short essay. When we write imaginary narratives I tell my students that they can only have three main characters in their story, unless they are willing to write a hundred pages or more. We discuss how you can't fully develop main characters and their problems in a piece unless you limit how many there are. We discuss how multiple main characters makes a piece difficult for the reader to follow and may cause them to lose interest in the piece entirely. Amy 8th Sumter, SC _________________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Get your free @yahoo.com address at http://mail.yahoo.com ---------------------------------------------------------------------- End of 6Traits Digest