Date: Mon, 12 Jul 1999 23:10:01 -0700 Subject: 6Traits Digest #23 - 07/12/99 From: "SixTraitsMailring" <6Traits@> To: "SixTraitsMailring" <6Traits@> MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=iso-8859-1 Content-transfer-encoding: quoted-printable Sender: <6Traits@> Precedence: Bulk List-Software: LetterRip Pro 3.0.5 by Fog City Software, Inc. List-Subscribe: List-Digest: List-Unsubscribe: 6Traits Digest #23 - Monday, July 12, 1999 Re: 6Traits- Re: Science by "Mark & Dot Drobney" Re: 6Traits- Website is up! by "Mark & Dot Drobney" Re: 6Traits- Example #5 Mayra's comment) by Re: 6Traits Digest #22 - 07/11/99 by "D. Weissman" Re: 6Traits- Re: 6Traits Digest #22 - 07/11/99 (deb) by Re: 6Traits- voice in non-fiction reporting Examples 5 and 6 by assignment 6 by "Robin" Re: 6Traits- Example #2 by Re: 6Traits- Example #5 by Re: 6Traits- Example #1 by "Herbert Kissell" Re: 6Traits- Example #5 by Re: 6Traits- voice in non-fiction reporting Examples 5 and 6 by Re: 6Traits- voice in non-fiction reporting Examples 5 and 6 by Re: 6Traits- Example #5 by Possible Posters for Voice by "Susan Nixon" <susan@desertskyone.com> A *student* rubric guide by "Susan Nixon" <susan@desertskyone.com> Ideas #1 - 7/12/99 by "Susan Nixon" <susan@desertskyone.com> 6 traits - voice by "Nancy L Carter" Re: 6Traits- Examples #5 & #6 by Ideas #2 - 7/12/99 by "Susan Nixon" <susan@desertskyone.com> Re: 6Traits- voice in non-fiction reporting Examples 5 and 6 by "Avis Breding" Re: 6Traits- Example #5 by "Mayra" Re: 6Traits- Example #4 by "shelley warren" Re: 6Traits- Example #6 by "Lisa Riggs" Good example of using rubric by "Susan Nixon" <susan@desertskyone.com> Re: 6Traits- assignment #6 - strategies to teach voice by "Susan Nixon" <susan@desertskyone.com> Borrowing from other authors by "Susan Nixon" <susan@desertskyone.com> Non-fiction levels - #5 & 6 by "Susan Nixon" <susan@desertskyone.com> Re: 6Traits- voice in non-fiction reporting Examples 5 and 6 by "Bess Wilson" Re: 6Traits- Stars and Wishes by "Susan Nixon" <susan@desertskyone.com> voice in non-fiction by "Susan Nixon" <susan@desertskyone.com> Re: 6Traits- voice in non-fiction reporting Examples 5 and 6 by "Susan Nixon" <susan@desertskyone.com> website by "Susan Nixon" <susan@desertskyone.com> Voice - Examples 5 and 6 by "shelley warren" Voice - teaching ideas by "shelley warren" Re: 6Traits- Stars and Wishes(Susan's response) by Re: 6Traits- Example #5 by "Herbert Kissell" Re: 6Traits- voice in non-fiction by "Avis Breding" Re: 6Traits- Voice in Non-Fiction by "Paula Conley" Rubrics by "jimnkath" Re: 6Traits- Example #2 by Re: 6Traits- Example #4 by Re: 6Traits- Example #3 by ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits- Re: Science From: Mark & Dot Drobney Date: Mon, 12 Jul 1999 06:59:23 -0400 AnnMath@aol.com wrote: > > I ditto the cmments on AIMS units. Singularl.y the best I haave ever = used in > 23 years of teaching. Topical , relevnt to the math and science = standards, > tons of fun. > Ann > 5 > Frederick, Md (sorry I have a bandade on a figer,thus the errors.) Ditto for me, too! I just completed a weeklong AIMS workshop (my first) and can't say enough...ours was "Connecting Math and Science". The presenter was dynamic and knowledgeable, the materials excellent and plentiful...many ideas I can put to use as soon as we return to school. Go if you get the chance!! Dot Drobney Grade 5 Willington, CT ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits- Website is up! From: Mark & Dot Drobney Date: Mon, 12 Jul 1999 07:05:59 -0400 Joan3teach@aol.com wrote: > > Susan, when I tried to get on the website, I couldn't connect. It said = it > was timed out, overloaded, or unconnected. Try later. I had the same problem :-( ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits- Example #5 Mayra's comment) From: AnnMath@aol.com Date: Mon, 12 Jul 1999 07:31:34 EDT Try comparing #5 and example #6. How many times have you read a #6? I = felt that the 5th example , though listy, was at a proficient level for only = one reason. The author's comparisons. He/she wanted you to *really* know on = a personal (people) level about these animals, so there is consistent effort = to connect the reader's understanding to the facts. Admittedly, the = comparisons may be "lifted" from somewhere, but they are deliberate and in "tone" with = the rest of the writing. Interesting points you raise. I've been reading = the feature writers of the newspaper with a much different eye this week. = A good feature writer differs from a reporter specifically because of his = voice in most cases. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits Digest #22 - 07/11/99 From: "D. Weissman" Date: Mon, 12 Jul 1999 07:36:41 -0400 I think both nonfiction pieces use "academic voice" which are found in 5s and 6s. I think the anklysaurus piece would rate a 6 because there are no personal comments while the squid piece would be a 5. However I could argue that squid piece shows a better awareness that the writer has an audience. Deb Weissman Grade 6 Jaffrey, NH ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits- Re: 6Traits Digest #22 - 07/11/99 (deb) From: AnnMath@aol.com Date: Mon, 12 Jul 1999 07:47:03 EDT Deb Would you explain the qualities of "academic voice"? (How about explaining how to digest e-mail.=3D) --to my address so others won't be = bored) I'm clueless. I'll bet you also know how to quote previous e-mail in your = own communications, too. I can't figure out how.) Thanks AnnMath@aol.com 5th Middletown, MD ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits- voice in non-fiction reporting Examples 5 and 6 From: Klsikich@aol.com Date: Mon, 12 Jul 1999 09:36:58 EDT Perhaps certain types of writing shouldn't be evaluated for voice. (ex. - = squid report). In this type of assignment, perhaps more emphasis should = be on ideas, organization, and conventions. Kathi Gr. 5 Green Bay, WI ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: assignment 6 From: Robin Date: Mon, 12 Jul 1999 09:42:12 -0400 Wow...so many good ideas used already...I hope my lousy three are worth the input.... 1. Use puppets to illustrate voice. 2. Create a character...role play a situation in that characters life...then write about it 3. Storytelling...passages or stories that demonstrate voice. Robin/6/NC ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits- Example #2 From: MBShelow@aol.com Date: Mon, 12 Jul 1999 09:40:10 EDT It is rather flat and serves as more of a list than a voice. It doesn't engage the reader. I'd give it a 1/2. The only reason I would even = consider "emerging" is because in 2 sentences, he does attempt to personalize it, = but has not yet succeeded in creating a voice. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits- Example #5 From: NMverde@aol.com Date: Mon, 12 Jul 1999 10:24:08 EDT In a message dated 7/11/99 10:07:42 PM Mountain Daylight Time, mayra@nconnect.net writes: << Does every written piece have to have voice? What about all the non-fiction books? There are some with Voice (especially latelly) but I am aware that some of them are purposely stating facts, which is what this sample seems to do. Comments anyone? Mayra >> Mayra, I think nonfiction can have voice. I went to our tristate reading conference. There was a session on using nonfiction books--specifically those that implemented voice. I have the list somewhere. At any rate, = these books tend to engage the reader more than "just the facts" kind of presentation. If we are seeking just the facts, we could use the Almanac = or the encyclopedia. Just my thoughts. Rheta ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits- Example #1 From: Herbert Kissell Date: Mon, 12 Jul 1999 09:25:56 -0500 Just got back from family reunion and have been evaluating these pieces = and catching up with everyone's ideas. I think i will be needing more ink for = the printer soon - :-) #1 - i loved the shopping cart story. I like the way they capitalized = certain words so the voice went up in pitch. i could relate to this and it could = be my voice. i gave it a 6 for being exceptional. #2 - the lego story - i felt the writer was emerging. the story was = pretty mechanical - a list of lego's except for that little glimmer of emotion = about his brother. i related to him there. #3 - i gave this somewhere between a 1 and 2. i didnt feel the = interaction there except for the 'i had fun' part. i did read the post about the = student and felt that was really a long story for a child with those problems and = would agree about rewarding them for effort. i do tend to adapt my comments, = grades and expectations to my student's level, ability and effort. Some of my = fellow teachers dont agree with me on that...but..oh, well.. #4 - i loved this story.i liked the humor, i could feel the interaction. i think he was on a roll at times and then would be at a loss for where to = go now, but he was so in to his story, i was torn between a 4 and a 5 and i = would probably make the distinction if i knew the student personally. (sorry, i = told you i make those distinctions according to the student) Susan Nixon wrote: > Try evaluating this with the voice rubric: > > Texas trivia of the Day. You know your every day average SHOPPING = CART? > They call them BUGGIES here! The man at walmart first asked me if I = wanted > a buggy, and I just kind of looked at him questionably. In Idaho they = are > sometimes called carts, sometimes called trolleys..... but I have never > heard it called a BUGGY before ..... > > However....Cart, Buggy or Trolley..... I hate them! I always end up with > one that has one square wheel or something. Or only wants to turn > left.....when you dont want it to turn at all! And then there are those > with the incessant squeaking noise.....like fingernails down a chalk > board...*eeeeeeeeeeeekkk* and everyone looks at you as you primly push = by > (with one square wheel)....wondering why you cant shut that thing up! As = if > it is YOUR fault it is that way??? ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits- Example #5 From: Joan3teach@aol.com Date: Mon, 12 Jul 1999 10:29:35 EDT I had scored the piece on legos a "2" also, but a conversation I overheard = in the grocery store made me re-think it. Two women were talking about Beanie Babies. One woman went on and on = listing the new Babies she had collected. The other woman listened with rapt attention. She asked if she had this one or that one. Now, to me, Beanie Babies are boring. The conversation was not exciting. = If it was written down and I was the reader I probably would have given it a = 2 because she was merely listing what she had. Her audience - the other = woman - was really interested in knowing what she had. When kids read their writing in class, they are very interested in knowing = exactly what legos a student has.... I think that this piece was, = perhaps, of interest to the person to whom he was writing. If I was the teacher, I = would probably go back to the child and say, great start. How are you = going to finish this? It wouldn't be judged on a rubric because it isn't a completed piece. Now if a teacher was to read the piece about the shopping carts to a K or first grade audience, the readers/listeners would not like it because the piece was too sophisticated for them. We enjoyed the piece as adults. The little boy who wrote about his day at the park was writing the story = for himself. He was the writer and the audience. He wanted to remember that = day forever because it was the best day in his life. The boy who wrote about the teacher (me) becoming an alien wrote it to = tease me and to amuse the class. I had read them a story about Mrs. Gorp from = the Wayside School several months earlier. The boy wanted to write a story = that was like that, but really different. His audience was his classmates. = He kept running around while he was writing the story, showing it to everyone = to see their reactions. I sent Susan several other stories written by my students. Most of them = seem to write about themselves and their classmates. When I sit down and ask them who their audience was when I have an editing = conference, they usually say their classmates. If that is the case, can we truly judge them by assuming that the audience = is unknown? Or, that they don't want the audience to know him/her well. The students are already assuming that the audience knows them. It might = be sort of like "twin language" where some information doesn't even have to = be stated to be known. One other point, I'm not at all interested in quilting. I'd find it = boring to sit down and make a quilt. Susan, on the other hand, loves it. Our reaction as readers could be entirely different to a story written about making a new quilt pattern. When we are scoring kids on a rubric for voice, shouldn't we have to take into consideration who the writer intended for his audience? What do you think? I'm not sure of my answer, either. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits- voice in non-fiction reporting Examples 5 and 6 From: NMverde@aol.com Date: Mon, 12 Jul 1999 10:34:10 EDT In a message dated 7/11/99 10:50:44 PM Mountain Daylight Time, Joan3teach@aol.com writes: << a article. Personal opinions, etc., have been edited out of these reports. (When my children were in middle and high school, their grades were severely affected if they put = in personal comments.) >> I think that the "face" of writing is changing. We, hopefully, are moving = away from grading pieces simply on conventions. I think upper grade = teachers tend to do just that. Since our system has adopted 6+1Traits, children = have the opportunity to move through the system using the same nomenclature. = With a common base for all levels, children can only grow as writers. As a third grade teacher who receives children who have been instructed in = the traits since first grade, I can see improved writers. My kids will = even comment when I read a picture book. "That book has great word choice or wonderful voice." Did I answer your question Joan? Rheta ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits- voice in non-fiction reporting Examples 5 and 6 From: Mrswilcox@aol.com Date: Mon, 12 Jul 1999 11:06:05 EDT I don't know, I thought that the squid report had voice...it was there, hiding among the facts. I thought the way the author reported it was MUCH more interesting than the dinosaur report...I definitely got the feeling = that the author had learned a lot about squid, and was excited about sharing = this info with others...whereas the dino report was boring. I give the squid report a 5! Joanie ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits- Example #5 From: Mrswilcox@aol.com Date: Mon, 12 Jul 1999 11:19:50 EDT Joan...I think you are right on target with your comments about audience. = I also think non-fiction definitely has voice! I can't stand to read journal = articles that are all theory-vocabulary and difficult to understand. When = I read a non-fiction article that has humor or drama in it, it is much more interesting to me. I am currently reading Mother Tongue, by Bill Bryson. = It is a history of the English language. He is such an engaging and = entertaining writer! His voice definitely comes through, and makes it a very = interesting read, as opposed to when I read much of the same information in a dull college textbook just a few (!) years ago in my linguistics class! Joanie = (PS...or maybe it's just the fact that we have the same name?!!!) ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Possible Posters for Voice From: Susan Nixon <susan@desertskyone.com> Date: Mon, 12 Jul 1999 08:42:55 -0700 Printed on 8-1/2 x 11 paper in large type - maybe with a nice border. VOICE My writing or my pictures show others what I see or feel. Student poster of questions to ask about voice: VOICE * Does this piece of writing sound like me? * Did I use words that express what I think and feel? * Will my readers find this interesting and want to read more? ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: A *student* rubric guide From: Susan Nixon <susan@desertskyone.com> Date: Mon, 12 Jul 1999 08:42:37 -0700 You might use something like this for the students to judge their own = papers: 5-6 Paper: Really Individual and Powerful My paper has lots of personality. It sounds different from the way anyone else writes. * I have put my personal stamp on this paper; it's really me! * Readers can tell I am talking right to them. * I write with confidence and sincerity. * My paper is full of feelings and my reader will feel what I feel. * I'm not afraid to say what I really think. * You can tell that I wrote this. No one else sounds like this! 3-4 Paper: Individuality Fades In and Out What I truly think and feel only shows up sometimes. * Although readers will understand what I mean, it won't make them feel like laughing, crying, or pounding on the table. * My writing is right on the edge of being funny, excited, scary or downright honest, but it's not there yet. * My personality pokes through here and there, but then it gets covered up again. * My writing is pleasant, but a little cautious. * I've done a lot of telling and not enough showing. 1-2 Paper: Not Yet Me I'm not comfortable sharing what I truly think and feel yet. * If you didn't already know, it might be hard to tell who wrote this paper. You can't really hear my voice in there yet. * I'm not comfortable taking a risk by telling you what I really think. I've taken the safest route by hiding my true feelings. * My paper is all telling and no showing at all. * I've held myself back by using general statements like: "It was fun." "She was nice." "I like him a lot." From _The Student Friendly Guide to Writing With Traits_ by Vicki Spandel and Ruth Culham, which may be reproduced without permission by classroom teachers and student writers. copyright 1993 Northwest Regional Educational Laboratory ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Ideas #1 - 7/12/99 From: Susan Nixon <susan@desertskyone.com> Date: Mon, 12 Jul 1999 08:54:33 -0700 Ideas and Content, short form: * The topic is narrow and manageable * A clear, central theme drives the writing * Reader's questions are anticipated and answered * Lots of showing (specifics) rather than telling (general) * Quality of details matters more than quantity - accuracy counts Key Question: Did the writer say focused and share original and fresh information or perspective about the topic? Expanding a bit: * Ideas are the heart of the message, the content of the piece, and the main theme, together with all the details that enrich and develop that theme. * When the ideas are strong, the message is clear or the storyline is = easy to follow. Things make sense. * Strong writing always includes details that are clear, interesting, and less than obvious. * Successful writers do not spend time telling readers what they already know. (Penguins are black and white. Penguins live in Antarctica. Penguins love to eat fish.) They seek out details the reader might *not* know. (Penguins swim well because they are shaped like torpedoes. Penguins are territorial, and like some space around themselves and their nests. They will launch themselves at anyone who comes too close.) * Successful writers are first gatherers and collectors of information, = as well as observers of life. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: 6 traits - voice From: "Nancy L Carter" Date: Tue, 13 Jul 1999 00:32:33 -0700 This is a multi-part message in MIME format. ------=3D_NextPart_000_01BECCC7.32F7A040 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=3DISO-8859-1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit I am finally catching up with my e-mails. I have been reading a lot of Newberry Honor books and I think Blue Willow by Doris Gates has great examples of voice. "Janey danced first on one bare foot and then on the other. At last she grabbed the toes of one foot in her hand and squirmed for all the world like an impatient stork, but her anxious eyes never left her stepmothers face." I have enjoyed reading this book. It is about a girl and her family who are migrant workers. We have a lot of students who travel just like Janey does. Nancy 3rd Grade Delaware ------=3D_NextPart_000_01BECCC7.32F7A040 Content-Type: text/html; charset=3DISO-8859-1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable

I am finally catching up with my =3D e-mails.  I have been reading a lot of Newberry Honor books and I =3D think Blue Willow by Doris Gates has great examples of =3D voice.

"Janey danced first on one bare foot and then =3D on the other.  At last she grabbed the toes of one foot in her hand = =3D and squirmed for all the world like an impatient stork, but her anxious = =3D eyes never left her stepmothers face."

I have enjoyed = =3D reading this book.  It is about a girl and her family who are =3D migrant workers.  We have a lot of students who travel just like =3D Janey does.

Nancy
3rd Grade
Delaware

------=3D_NextPart_000_01BECCC7.32F7A040-- ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits- Examples #5 & #6 From: Sgreen70@aol.com Date: Mon, 12 Jul 1999 14:04:11 EDT Hi! I thought that the Squid paragraph was a 4. The writer seemed to be aware = of the reader, but I felt like the distance between the writer and the = audience faded in and out. I felt a sense of interaction in places. I thought that the Dinosaur paragraph was a 2. The writing seemed stiff = and mechanical without much interaction between the reader and writer. Sherry/4/AZ ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Ideas #2 - 7/12/99 From: Susan Nixon <susan@desertskyone.com> Date: Mon, 12 Jul 1999 11:19:56 -0700 Here are some examples of short student writing which showcase ideas: "Strolling past rows and rows of books, I remember how, after the cancer struck, he came less and less and read fewer and fewer books. They became just part of the scenery, collecting only dust and memories." "When I was five, I dug a hole in the strawberry patch, filled it with = hose water, and lobelia buds. It was my cauldron, and I stirred it with a stick.... Knee-deep in dirt, my feet planted firmly in earth, I was a child-weed creature." "About two years ago I got two fis Alex and Body. Body dosen't eat much but he's steel living.... When I first got them they wher shy and scared then sudenly they wher as playful as a kitten or two." These definitely have voice. They are also clear, focused and developed. They stick with one topic, have details and main ideas that are clear and clearly related. They provide a wholeness of concept. They are original and fresh. Individual Assignment: Find a passage from a favorite author which you think demonstrates the trait of ideas. Share it with the group. Children's authors, children authors, or your favorite free time reading author. mailto:6Traits@ Susan Nixon 2nd Grade Phoenix, AZ ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits- voice in non-fiction reporting Examples 5 and 6 From: Avis Breding Date: Mon, 12 Jul 1999 13:34:16 -0500 I wondered myself about evaluating the reports with the rubric.. and thought it wasn't fair if it was to be a report. But with out any directions.. did it anyway. On the other hand if it were to be a writing about the animal in a more uninformal way... then the rubric could be used. These I would grade according to the criteria that was set for the report. AJB -- http://www.bismarck.k12.nd.us/bps/myhre/ 5-6 Grade Looping Teacher http://www.esosoft.com/abreding/ 5-6gradeconnection@esosoft.com *3-4gradelink@esosoft.com Call on God, but row away from the rocks = ********************* ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits- Example #5 From: "Mayra" Date: Mon, 12 Jul 1999 13:34:31 -0700 Rheta, What you say makes sense, and I understand that some nonfiction narratives have voice. Maybe Jim Arnosky's work? Would I be correct in stating that non-fiction narratives do not need to have voice but they could if the author chooses to add that trait to his/her writing. Or is the trait of voice necessary for a well written piece? Again I wonder . . . ----- Original Message ----- From: To: <6Traits@> Sent: Monday, July 12, 1999 7:24 AM Subject: Re: 6Traits- Example #5 > In a message dated 7/11/99 10:07:42 PM Mountain Daylight Time, > mayra@nconnect.net writes: > > << Does every written piece > have to have voice? What about all the non-fiction books? There are = some > with Voice (especially latelly) but I am aware that some of them are > purposely stating facts, which is what this sample seems to do. = Comments > anyone? > Mayra >> > Mayra, > I think nonfiction can have voice. I went to our tristate reading > conference. There was a session on using nonfiction books--specifically > those that implemented voice. I have the list somewhere. At any rate, these > books tend to engage the reader more than "just the facts" kind of > presentation. If we are seeking just the facts, we could use the = Almanac or > the encyclopedia. Just my thoughts. > Rheta > > ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits- Example #4 From: shelley warren Date: Mon, 12 Jul 1999 12:07:17 -0700 (PDT) Hi Susan: While I had trouble choosing between a 4 and 5 for this piece of writing, I chose a 5. I think the writer has brought quite of bit of liveliness and excitement to his topic and he knows how to communite effectively with his audience. Shelley Warren 4th West Yellowston, MT --- Susan Nixon <susan@desertskyone.com> wrote: > My Teacher is an Alien > > Jared, Patrick, and I are third graders in Mrs. > Matuga=92s class at > Hyatt School. We liked our teacher until . . . > > One day when we came back from recess, our teacher > looked different. > She lost all her hair. Her skin was green and her > eyes were red. Our > teacher was an alien! > > When the alien Mrs. Matuga stared at students, they > did bad things > like knocking over desks and stealing other people=92s > stuff. They were > hitting and kicking everyone. > > All of the kids except me were doing something bad. > I was saved because I > never looked at the alien. > > The next day I brought a laser pointer to school. > The teacher was just > standing there, waiting for me. I aimed my laser > pointer at the teacher, > but she saw me and teleported and landed behind me. > I turned around, but I > missed the alien because she teleported again. > > She grabbed me and dragged me into the office. She > put me in a chair and > tried to stare at me, but I didn=92t look. I grabbed > my laser pointer, and > this time I aimed it right at her eyes. The alien > just jumped out of Mrs. > Matuga and disappeared! > > Everyone was back to normal =96 even Mrs. Matuga. > > The End > > > _________________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Get your free @yahoo.com address at http://mail.yahoo.com ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits- Example #6 From: "Lisa Riggs" Date: Mon, 12 Jul 1999 15:10:17 -0000 I think #5 is a 2 and #6 is a 1. There is very little authentic purpose. I get no sense of who the author is or why I should be reading this piece. -----Original Message----- From: Susan Nixon <susan@desertskyone.com> To: 6Traits@ <6Traits@> Date: Monday, July 12, 1999 4:47 AM Subject: 6Traits- Example #6 And for more practice and comparison: Anklyosaurus Anklyosaurus is a dinosaur that lived during the Middle and Late Cretaceo= us Period more than 65 million years ago. It lived in the Western USA and western Canada. Its name means fused reptile. It was one of the bird-hipped dinosaurs. Anklyosaurus was 32 feet long. It weighed more than 4 tons. Anklysaurus had armor on its back. It is called the "tank" of the prehistoric world. The plates of armor covered its back, sides, feet, and skull. It had spikes = on its back and sides. It also had 4 spikes on the sides of its head. Its armor was attached to the skeleton - not to the skin. It didn=92t have armor on its stomach. Its enemies tried to attack it on the stomach because th= at was the only unprotected area. It had a long tail with a bony club at th= e end. It used its tail to protect itself by swinging the club at its enemies. Anklyosaurus was a plant-eater. It had to eat all day to satisfy its hunger. It moved slowly. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Good example of using rubric From: Susan Nixon <susan@desertskyone.com> Date: Mon, 12 Jul 1999 12:08:18 -0700 >Example 4 (My Teacher is an Alien) >I struggled somewhat with this assignment, looking strictly at the voice = of >the work. I decided that it was stronger than weak, so that gave me 3 >levels to work through. Deciding that it wasn't a 6, left me with 4 and = 5 >to choose from. This is exactly how to narrow it down. =3D) Susan Nixon 2nd Grade Phoenix, AZ ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits- assignment #6 - strategies to teach voice From: Susan Nixon <susan@desertskyone.com> Date: Mon, 12 Jul 1999 12:21:00 -0700 >How about the True Story of the Three Little Pigs vs. the traditional >version? Definitely two different voices. Good suggestion, and you can take it even farther. In this instance, = there are also the following books: The Three Little Wolves and the Big Bad Pig The Three Little Javelinas and there's one from Hawaii, but I forget the name. The teacher I borrow it from is in Florida until August. I'll try to remember to ask her. You can probably also find several different versions of the original tale. You might compare illustrations to see how they affect the story, too. A fairy tale unit on Cinderella stories, comparing voices again, might include the following: Cinderella (the Perrault version) The Black Cinderella The Rough Faced Girl Moss Gown Princess Furball The Egyptian Cinderella The Paper Bag Princess Prince Cinders Mufaro's Beautiful Daughters etc. Comparing voice in a story with which students are familiar leaves them open to just think about the voice, not the story details. Not all Cinderella stories have a glass slipper. That is a fairly recent = addition, in fact. There was a great PBS version of Cinderella which took place in the Appalachians during the war, too. For more fun, compare Sleeping Beauty with _Sleeping Ugly_ by Jane Yolan. Susan Nixon 2nd Grade Phoenix, AZ ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Borrowing from other authors From: Susan Nixon <susan@desertskyone.com> Date: Mon, 12 Jul 1999 12:29:21 -0700 At 12:01 AM 7/12/99 EDT, you wrote: >I think I had a hard time giving this one a high score because it so = closely >resembles the Bruce Colville book by, I believe, the same title. If = you're >going to give points for mimicing voice and idea, then maybe I would = agree >with the 4. Which brings up a good question...how do you score students = who >are "borrowing" from other authors? Remember all the people who said that memorizing a story wasn't reading = it? But now we know that it is a sign of an emerging reader, and it is okay. Immitation of an author is a very sincere form of flattery, but it is also the beginning of good writing. Mem Fox, in a talk in Tempe, Arizona, = about 6-7 years ago, said that she feels she borrows from other authors all the time. In fact, that is the talk that started me keeping "Words Too Good = to Forget." There are times when a student will copy more than we'd like. We need to guide them toward being more original, but, unless they are copying almost word for word, we have to be careful about our criticism. They have to gain confidence as a writer, and if that early confidence comes from changing another author's story around and adding personal bits to it, = then that's not necessarily a bad thing. Only you can decide what is okay for your own students. I would say that in writer's conferences, you need to minimize praise for the copied parts, and really wax enthusiastic about the original parts, helping students to understand they can succeed with their own ideas. Susan Nixon 2nd Grade Phoenix, AZ ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Non-fiction levels - #5 & 6 From: Susan Nixon <susan@desertskyone.com> Date: Mon, 12 Jul 1999 12:48:11 -0700 >>Does every written piece have to have voice? >I think nonfiction can have voice. At any rate, these >books tend to engage the reader more than "just the facts" kind of >presentation. Mayra, Rheta, and everyone, Good question, and good response. I put the non-fiction up without comment, to give you a chance to think it through a bit. Here is my interpretation. Non-fiction does have voice. Usually, instead of the voice of the author, we have the voice of the subject. If you read an article about whales, and it makes you want to find out more, or you find yourself reading as fast as you can to take it all in at once, then = it is a piece with voice. In the two examples given, I would rate the squid example as a weak 4. = The writer does seem committed to the topic of squids. There is definitely a sense of writing to be read, (she asks questions of the reader). The writing was expressive, engaging and sincere in places, but more a list of facts in other places, so it was not consistent. I had the feeling that the author really was interested in the subject, and I found myself interested, as well. The example of the dinosaur report had a weaker voice. It was little more than a list of facts, and I wasn't sure that the author was interested or committed to this topic at all. I felt the voice was very impersonal. I had no feeling for this dinosaur at all. Contrasting that with the author of the squid article, I felt this voice was probably a 2 - a student writing a competent report, but not one that engaged my interest. That doesn't mean that either report might not score higher or lower on another trait. I believe it is much harder to inject voice into a report. Other pieces of non-fiction might be easier. In a report, I would ask myself whether the author has made me feel any interest in the subject. = In a biography, I would ask whether the author has made me care about the person. In a history book, I would ask whether the author has interested me in the events taking place. Etc. Do I want to keep reading? That's still the key question for voice. Did that help? Susan Nixon 2nd Grade Phoenix, AZ ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits- voice in non-fiction reporting Examples 5 and 6 From: "Bess Wilson" Date: Mon, 12 Jul 1999 15:59:29 -0400 I agree with mrs.wilcox@aol.com. I too thought the squid report shared = the author's enthusiasm for the topic and what the student had learned-Level = 5. While the dinosaur report had only a little voice - Level 3. Bess Wilson Grade 6 Eldredge School 101 First Avenue East Greenwich,RI 02818 401-886-3246 lawsonb@ride.ri.netso I put it at Level 3. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits- Stars and Wishes From: Susan Nixon <susan@desertskyone.com> Date: Mon, 12 Jul 1999 13:21:59 -0700 At 03:22 PM 7/11/99 EDT, you wrote: >Loving it all. It becomes clearer and clearer. This is why I spaced things out last week. Teachers, unlike our students (ha, ha, that was a *joke*) want instant gratification. We tend to think we should know everything - by osmosis, maybe! =3D) We forget that there = is a learning curve even for us. It takes time to absorb something like 6Traits and internalize it. >For example, I'd like to know : What is 4 blocks Pat Cunningham and Dottie Hall started experimenting with some language strategies in the mid-80s. Over time, Cheryl Sigmon joined them, and many classes in North Carolina acted as guinea pigs. Basically, students are taught language arts in 4 blocks of time - guided reading, self-selected reading, working with words and writer's block (not to be confused with being unable to think of anything to write!). There is a TeacherNet mailring devoted to 4blocks, and people at all grade levels who are investigating it and trying it. >(I love the idea of stars and wishes; what's a 1 minute manager? A series of 1 minute books were published a number of years ago. Sandwiching the negative criticism in the middle of the positives, and getting it done in a short time, instead of going on and on about it, are two of the tenets. >Is there a writers workshop site? I believe there is and we'll be looking into that. I will be adding writing links to the web page at the end of the course. We'll see how = many we can find at that time. I'll also be posting some workshop ideas and explanations at the end of the course, when we are done with 6Traits. One thing at a time is all I can handle. =3D) Susan Nixon 2nd Grade Phoenix, AZ ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: voice in non-fiction From: Susan Nixon <susan@desertskyone.com> Date: Mon, 12 Jul 1999 13:01:15 -0700 >These I would grade according to the criteria that was set for the = report. Remember, the rubric level isn't a grade. It's a way of evaluating where writers are on the continuum of skills. =3D) Susan Nixon 2nd Grade Phoenix, AZ ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits- voice in non-fiction reporting Examples 5 and 6 From: Susan Nixon <susan@desertskyone.com> Date: Mon, 12 Jul 1999 13:03:57 -0700 >I sent these factual reports to Susan because I wanted to know if there = is a >rubric for voice for factual comments. I thought it would be interesting to see how the list would respond. Did my explanation of using the rubric for non-fiction help? >Could a piece get a 4-6 without expressing feelings? No. But it doesn't have to be the personalization that a fiction piece might have, as I mentioned in my post. The feelings expressed would come through without being stated. For instance, the person who wrote about squids didn't say, "I love squids," or "I think squids are very fascinating." Nevertheless, I had that feeling from the writing. Susan ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: website From: Susan Nixon <susan@desertskyone.com> Date: Mon, 12 Jul 1999 13:17:35 -0700 As of 1 pm, MST, we are still having to access the website at the = alternate address: http://CyberSpaces.net/traits/ I am shortly going to the doctor, and won't be available for the rest of the day. I'll be back answering more questions tomorrow. If you feel you have asked something to which I have not responded, please e-mail the question again. mailto:susan@desertskyone.com Susan Nixon 2nd Grade Phoenix, ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Voice - Examples 5 and 6 From: shelley warren Date: Mon, 12 Jul 1999 13:30:01 -0700 (PDT) Before I'd read anyone else'e responses for Examples 5 and 6 I'd given the Squid piece a 5 because his technical writing showed a more academic voice and was interesting. I'd given the Dinosaur piece a 3 because though it was informative it was stiff with a limited sense of audience. Now after reading some responses and Joan's comments how do we employ the rubric for techical/non-fiction writing? How does voice come through without being personal? I can kind of see it in the first piece about the squid because the author compares something to the shape of our heads. I'm not quite comfortable with this yet. Shelley Warren 4th W. Yellowstone, MT _________________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Get your free @yahoo.com address at http://mail.yahoo.com ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Voice - teaching ideas From: shelley warren Date: Mon, 12 Jul 1999 14:24:45 -0700 (PDT) Another possibility for teaching voice might be to give small groups of students different passages from their textbooks and have them rewrite the passages with voice. Or, take an example of writing that is already rich in voice and make it voiceless. Shelley Warren 4th W. Yellowstone, MT _________________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Get your free @yahoo.com address at http://mail.yahoo.com ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits- Stars and Wishes(Susan's response) From: AnnMath@aol.com Date: Mon, 12 Jul 1999 18:27:23 EDT In a message dated 7/12/99 3:15:27 PM EST, susan@desertskyone.com = writes: > One > thing at a time is all I can handle. =3D) And thank you for that, too! I'm having fun! Ann 5 Middletown, MD ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits- Example #5 From: Herbert Kissell Date: Mon, 12 Jul 1999 17:32:57 -0500 Now as one who works part time in a restaurant and has to clean the squid= for the calamari (a nasty job, but someone has to do it :-), i think the squid ar= ticle has voice. The writer started with a question to grab our attention, made th= e comparison with the size of the school bus, gives us interesting facts while holding= our attention. I would rate the squid a #5. The next article on the dinosaur was rather dry. The writer had his fact= s down and could have made that dinosaur something exciting to see but just listed h= is facts. I would rate it a #4. I definitely think non fiction could have voice. I am definitely a fan of= fiction. To me, non fiction is really dry. But every now and again i find some that = just makes me want to be in that place, at that time. "The Fifties" by Haversham? (sor= ry, cant remember the author, and i love his works), The Story of Wrigley Field, t= hese are great non fiction stories written with great voice. Also, Studs Terkel's "Work= ing" was great. Now, can a math book or a chemistry book have voice??? I dont th= ink so. :-) Dottie 5/6 Culver, IN Susan Nixon wrote: > Giant Squid > > Did you know that scientists have never seen live giant squids?= One of the > reasons is that the animals don=92t swim in shallow water. They swim i= n water > that is between 700 and 3,000 feet below the surface of the ocean. Hum= ans > can=92t dive that deep. One way scientists are trying to find out more= about > the giant squid is to lower a robotic underwater vehicle down to where = they > think that the squid might be. They will be able to maneuver the vehic= le and > take pictures using special cameras and powerful lights. > > Squid can grow to be about 60 feet long =96 the size of two sch= ool busses. > They can weigh up to 1,000 pounds. The male squids are smaller than th= e > females. Squids have 8 long arms and one pair of even longer tentacles= that > they use to grab their prey. They have a huge eye that is about the si= ze of > our heads! They use their fin to balance themselves and turn. > > Squids eat fish, smaller fish, and even whales. The sperm whal= es > hunt and eat giant squids. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits- voice in non-fiction From: Avis Breding Date: Mon, 12 Jul 1999 21:02:24 -0500 >These I would grade according to the criteria that was set for the = report. Remember, the rubric level isn't a grade. It's a way of evaluating where writers are on the continuum of skills. =3D) Yup.. I understood that...should have clarified myself in saying that if I had assigned the *report* with certain criteria to have in the report.. that is how I would grade it. Not by the rubric level. Here is a thought and I have done this with some 6 traits writing as we had started using 6 Traits in February.... I would either use their writings on the overhead with permission..or take them individually... and put the rubrics we were using on them, and then they had a choice. They could accept the writing as it was.. or work to improve the writing with the suggestions that were given. If the student accepted the challenge of improving.. could you work the second writing in as part of your language grade. Or would you not grade it at all.?? I saw good improvements in many of my students writings... AJB -- http://www.bismarck.k12.nd.us/bps/myhre/ 5-6 Grade Looping Teacher http://www.esosoft.com/abreding/ 5-6gradeconnection@esosoft.com *3-4gradelink@esosoft.com Call on God, but row away from the rocks = ********************* ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits- Voice in Non-Fiction From: "Paula Conley" Date: Mon, 12 Jul 1999 19:47:55 -0700 Reading all the postings about voice in non-fiction really brought an article I read in Sunday's paper to my attention. The article was on the front page and was about the US women winning the world cup. I think I'd read about 3 sentences when I said, "This is not a local writer!" Looking at the byline, the article was from AP and written by a reporter for the = LA Times. His voice was coming through loud and clear! I cut the article out just so I'd have a reminder that a non-fiction piece can have a very strong voice. Thanks for all the great discussion. It is very thought provoking! Paula Conley 5th Grade Coeur d' Alene ID ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Rubrics From: jimnkath Date: Tue, 13 Jul 1999 14:03:47 +1000 1 BEGINNING lacks involvement no sense of audience no engagement 2 EMERGING mechanical no sense of audience little evidence of writer 3 DEVELOPING inconsistent engagement occasional voice some shift in voice 4 PROFICIENT some voice inconsistent engagement sense of audience - not always appropriate glimpse of writer 5 STRONG appropriate choice of voice sense of interaction topic comes to life 6 EXEMPLARY appropriate voice for topic commitment and purpose expressive and engaging Kathy Ferguson Year 4/5 Queensland Australia ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits- Example #2 From: LAOC51576@aol.com Date: Tue, 13 Jul 1999 01:32:31 EDT In a message dated 7/10/99 7:09:21 PM Eastern Daylight Time, susan@desertskyone.com writes: << susan@desertskyone.com >> Lost example 1, had to go back, I had printed it then deleted it in an = effort to clear up some of the e-mails. I've been on everynight, but for short periods of time and I have over 400 to go through. Everyone's in bed and I'll try to get back on track. Example 1 I would give a strong 4, almost a 5. REally had a hard time deciding, but I'll stick with a strong 4. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits- Example #4 From: LAOC51576@aol.com Date: Tue, 13 Jul 1999 01:35:15 EDT Interesting story, I gave it a strong 3. I have to compare what I've = given before, and see if this one meets the same level as the others. It would = be nice to have someone to talk these over with. I trained for scoring writing samples on the South Carolina PACT test in = May. That was interesting, and we discussed some sets, before we actually did = the qualifying set on our own. Those papers are at the office, wish I had = them to refer back to. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits- Example #3 From: LAOC51576@aol.com Date: Tue, 13 Jul 1999 01:39:02 EDT I'd give this one a 2, better than the lego story, but not quite enough to = rate a 3. Luc/ECC/SC ---------------------------------------------------------------------- End of 6Traits Digest