Date: Sun, 11 Jul 1999 23:10:01 -0700 Subject: 6Traits Digest #22 - 07/11/99 From: "SixTraitsMailring" <6Traits@> To: "SixTraitsMailring" <6Traits@> MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=iso-8859-1 Content-transfer-encoding: quoted-printable Sender: <6Traits@> Precedence: Bulk List-Software: LetterRip Pro 3.0.5 by Fog City Software, Inc. List-Subscribe: List-Digest: List-Unsubscribe: 6Traits Digest #22 - Sunday, July 11, 1999 Re: 6Traits- Example #3 by "Mayra" Re: 6Traits- Example #4 by "Mayra" Re: 6Traits- Example #2 by Re: 6Traits- Example #4 by Re: 6Traits- Example #3 by Voice Rubrics: Examples 1-4 by "Debbie SoS" Re: 6Traits- Re: Science by "Mark & Dot Drobney" Re: 6Traits- Example 1-2-3-4 by "Shirley Holloway" Problems by "Susan Nixon" <susan@desertskyone.com> Re: 6Traits- Problems by "Evangelyn Visser" 6Traits Site by "Susan Nixon" <susan@desertskyone.com> Stars and Wishes by "Susan Nixon" <susan@desertskyone.com> Re: 6Traits- Example #3 by "Susan Nixon" <susan@desertskyone.com> Re: 6Traits by Re: 6Traits- Stars and Wishes by Re: 6Traits- Website is up! by "Vanessa Gerst" Website Address - Save, Save, Save by "Susan Nixon" <susan@desertskyone.com> Re:Rating the examples by "Julia Poor" assignment #6 - strategies to teach voice by "dennis.ada.swanson" Re: 6Traits- Example #4 by "Vanessa Gerst" Re: 6Traits- Example #1 by "Jan & Forrest Keefer" Re: 6Traits- assignment #6 - strategies to teach voice by Voice Ex.1-4 by "Bess Wilson" Fw: 6Traits- Voice Ex.1-4 by "Bess Wilson" Here are the official scores by "Susan Nixon" <susan@desertskyone.com> Example #5 by "Susan Nixon" <susan@desertskyone.com> Example #6 by "Susan Nixon" <susan@desertskyone.com> Re: 6Traits- Here are the official scores by Re: 6Traits- Example #5 by "Mayra" Re: 6Traits- Example #6 by "Mayra" Re: 6Traits- Example #5 & 6 by "Avis Breding" Re: 6Traits- voice in non-fiction reporting Examples 5 and 6 by ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits- Example #3 From: "Mayra" Date: Sun, 11 Jul 1999 01:17:06 -0500 In terms of Voice, I would give Example 3 a 1 (Not yet). The writer has a lack of audience awareness. mayra k-3, WI ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits- Example #4 From: "Mayra" Date: Sun, 11 Jul 1999 01:20:52 -0500 I would give it a 4 going to 5. A voice is present. I can tell this writer is having a great time, not only imagining what might happen to his = teacher and his/her part in it, but is having a great time telling us all about = it. Mayra k-3 WI ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits- Example #2 From: DLM2nd@aol.com Date: Sun, 11 Jul 1999 08:55:16 EDT I would rate this with a 2, because there is little beyond just listing. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits- Example #4 From: DLM2nd@aol.com Date: Sun, 11 Jul 1999 08:59:09 EDT This was a five....the writer used words like "aimed" and "the alien just jumped out of..." showing real voice! Was consistent in this voice and committed to the telling of the story. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits- Example #3 From: DLM2nd@aol.com Date: Sun, 11 Jul 1999 09:01:14 EDT Example three is a perfect example of a 1, and unfortunately, a perfect example of many of my students' writing! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Voice Rubrics: Examples 1-4 From: "Debbie šoš" Date: Sun, 11 Jul 1999 13:22:35 GMT Hi everyone! I have decided to collate the 4 examples here-saves on the email time! LOL: Example 1 (Texas Buggies): I would grade this piece of work as a LEVEL 5 for voice. I found it to be = lively and engaging. It showed a strong sense of audience and having read = the piece, I felt that I *knew* the author. The author made the topic = come to live with conviction and humour. Example 2 (My Lego Collection) I found this author to be in the developing stage of writing with voice. The transfer of thought from listing to real life experiences shows an occasional sense of audience, with a "limited ability to shift to a more objective voice". So, I gave this piece a LEVEL 3 Example 3 (Biking to the Park) Because this work is sequential and on task, I would give this author's = work a LEVEL 2 for voice. It *is* emerging, albeit slowly. I found the piece flat and mechanical (I had fun. to finish the story) There is little awareness of audience, and little hint of the writer herself. Interaction between writer and audience was at the most, minimal. Example 4 (My Teacher is an Alien) I struggled somewhat with this assignment, looking strictly at the voice = of the work. I decided that it was stronger than weak, so that gave me 3 levels to work through. Deciding that it wasn't a 6, left me with 4 and 5 = to choose from. (am I being methodical???) In the end, I decided that = this is an example of a LEVEL 4 piece of writing for voice. Voice was present, = but I found the level to be inconsistent. Certainly words such as "teleported" and "dragged" added to the story, but there was a see-sawing = back and forth of such strong language. There was liveliness and humour = in appropriate places, but I did find spots to be more stiff. There is a definite sense of writing with the purpose of being read. Hmm-mm. Maybe = I should have leveled it as a 5? Debbie =BAo=BA Grade 2 Ontario, Canada ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits- Re: Science From: Mark & Dot Drobney Date: Sun, 11 Jul 1999 11:45:17 -0400 AnnMath@aol.com wrote: > > I ditto the cmments on AIMS units. Singularl.y the best I haave ever = used in > 23 years of teaching. Topical , relevnt to the math and science = standards, > tons of fun. > Ann > 5 > Frederick, Md (sorry I have a bandade on a figer,thus the errors.) Ditto for me, too! I just finished a weeklong AIMS workshop entitled Connecting Math and Science...the materials are excellent, the presenter totally dynamic and great ideas that will be put into use the first day of school!! Go to one if you get the chance!! Dot Drobney Gr. 5 Willington, CT ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits- Example 1-2-3-4 From: "Shirley Holloway" Date: Sun, 11 Jul 1999 11:37:40 -0500 Example 1 Was about a 4 in voice. The second paragraph is especially strong. Example 2 I think this author started out OK. There was a definite sense = of audience in the beginning. It quickly goes to no voice, mechanical, I would rate it as a 2. Example 3 This is how most of my students write!! It is a 1. Example 4 This is definitely a 5. This is engaging and has a great beginning. I really enjoyed this piece. Shirley Holloway/2nd/IN ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Problems From: Susan Nixon <susan@desertskyone.com> Date: Sun, 11 Jul 1999 11:02:22 -0700 Someone mentioned that they can't underline in their e-mail program. That's okay. Send your information on the rubrics without the underlines, but make sure you underline and circle your own copies. It will be invaluable help when you go back this fall to try using the rubric. Write extra things on your copy. For instance, I wrote on level 3 of voice "stiff voice." Just to remind me that it's there, but not yet proficient. Some are reporting they can't get into the website still. The changing of the backbone server should have taken only a couple of hours, but they did something wrong. Mickey told me what it was, but it's over my head. =3D) Anyway, it takes a lot longer to *undo* things than it takes to do them right the first time. Hmmmm. Where have we heard *that* before? Anyway, we're hoping it will be up on Monday. I haven't tried it yet this morning. Susan Nixon 2nd Grade Phoenix, AZ ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits- Problems From: evangelyn.visser@mail.leusd.k12.ca.us (Evangelyn Visser) Date: Sun, 11 Jul 1999 11:12:29 -0700 Susan, Can you put the web page at the bottom of your information in case we have lost it (like me)? Somehow I am on the mailring but I guess I didn't get on soon enough. I am getting good information but have felt sort of lost. Evangelyn/1/CA evangelyn.visser@leusd.k12.ca.us ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: 6Traits Site From: Susan Nixon <susan@desertskyone.com> Date: Sun, 11 Jul 1999 11:25:50 -0700 I tried this and no problems! =3D) >Date: Sat, 10 Jul 1999 22:47:11 -0700 > >Until I can get DNS straightened out, your 6 traits site can be reached = at > >Sorry for the problems! > >-- >Keep your powder dry. > >M i c k e y > >All Rights Reserved > > ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Stars and Wishes From: Susan Nixon <susan@desertskyone.com> Date: Sun, 11 Jul 1999 12:07:57 -0700 > Are we supposed to be sending in our evaluations of the >written pieces, discussing them with our buddies, or just >evaluating them ourselves and wait for your evaluation? Either is okay. This is not part of what I'm assigning. It's for your benefit in practice. If evaluations are sent to the list, perhaps some discussion of why or why not can go on. Which is why I'm not posting the levels until later this evening. =3D) I will say that some of you seem reluctant to use the bottom half of the rubric. This is not a grade, it's pinpointing where a writer is on the continuum of skill. Hmmm. Where = have I heard that before? =3D) This is not an evaluation of the story's = worth, or the writer's worth. Perhaps this is a good time to bring up stars and wishes, an idea from the 4blocks. Let's look at example #3 again: One Saturday morning, Collie, Miesha, and I biked to the park. We biked = all around the park. We watched ducks swimming in the pond. We played on the = swings. We went down the slides. We climbed on the monkey bars. We met Teriana at the park. We played games with her. We came home and ate noodles for lunch. It was fun. If this were my student, I would give him a star for staying on topic and = a star for having a beginning, middle and end. I would first ask him what = he thought he needed to do to improve his voice in the piece. With luck, he would come up with my wish. If not, I could go with his comment, if it were accurate, or I might tell him my wish for the piece. Maybe something like, "This seems like a list of facts. Remember when we read (a book = read recently that was strong in voice) and it felt like we knew the main character without having met him? When I read this, I don't feel I know who you are, though I do know some things you like to do for fun. What could you change to put more feeling into this piece?" Following One Minute Manager style, I would give the child a star, then = the wish, and end with a star. Students need to be willing to risk in order to use voice effectively. Teachers must model that risking behavior for them. This means that the students need to evaluate your pieces of writing, and you *need* to make mistakes and write stiffly, etc., to help them learn. This is a big risk for us. We are used to being authorities on things. =3D) It's the only = way for students to understand and to risk. Paraphrasing something Barbara Gruber used to say, from the student's perspective of teacher modeling, "I always knew you could do it. What = does that have to do with me?" We have to show students that we, too, are writers moving along the continuum and improving our skills. >certain on, but the second one was tricky. The edges >get blurred...and would you evaluate something with >a 2 and 1/2 or do you keep to whole numbers? Mentally, you will think of some students as 2-1/2. They still have the = 2. You will explain to them where they are improving and what they need to = do to reach a 3. This is how the rubric will help them. We'll discuss more about the students' use of the rubrics at the end of the course. >looking at voice makes you really think about how >caught up you were with the author... how connected >you felt, and if you could feel their emotion. Yes! Yes! Yes! =3D) >The first one most of us I'm sure could identify with... >and the annoyance, frustration, embarrassment...I >could imagine myself with that darn thing. > >The second one was pretty boring. It could have been >prepared for an inventory and didn't need...or want... >an audience...except for those few lines that hinted >at awareness...some complacency...and a little >frustration peeking out... Good, solid thinking. =3D) Exactly what you have to do when you are evaluating these by the rubric. Think of *why* it is a 2 or a 3 or a 5. Susan Nixon 2nd Grade Phoenix, AZ ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits- Example #3 From: Susan Nixon <susan@desertskyone.com> Date: Sun, 11 Jul 1999 12:12:48 -0700 >The student who wrote this piece will be in a special day class next = year. >He has been severely abused and abandoned by parents and is now in a somewhat >stable position. He dictated the piece because he is unable to read or = >write. At the time he knew only 15 letters and 5 letter sounds. Thank you for sharing this. This points out perfectly why the rubric is not a *grade*. Under these circumstances, this piece would have been an A in my class! And probably accompanied by a big hug, as well. But the rubric score for voice would not have changed. It is important for us to be able to separate these two things in our minds, *and* in the minds of our students. If I'm beginning to get boring repeating that this is a continuum of skills, not a grade, feel free to throw tomatoes. =3D) I guarantee you = will hear it again. Susan Nixon 2nd Grade Phoenix, AZ ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits From: Shellygarc@aol.com Date: Sun, 11 Jul 1999 15:15:53 EDT < #4: a questionable closeness or distance from the audience; a sense of audience; liveliness...when appropriate; humor may appear; doesn't want the audience to know him well, has not consistently employed an appropriate voice. #5 appropriate level of closeness; strong sense of audience; reader feels a sense of interaction; topic has come to life, writer may show originality, conviction, excitement, humor or suspense. words that separate #4 from #5: questionable closeness...vs appropriate closeness; sense of audience vs *strong* sense of audience; reader may *glimpse* writer vs reader senses the writer; at times inappropriately casual, personal, formal or stiff vs topic has come to life. #6: Very close to 5 with following exceptions: Words that separate #5 & #6: "writer seems deeply committed to the topic = and there is an exceptional sense of "writing to be read". "Appropriate level = vs. effective level of closeness or distance to audience". Laura Eble Grade 1 IL Shelley Chambers 1st CA ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits- Stars and Wishes From: AnnMath@aol.com Date: Sun, 11 Jul 1999 15:22:42 EDT Loving it all. It becomes clearer and clearer. But I feel like I've been = on vacation on Mars sometimes. For example, I'd like to know : What is 4 = blocks (I love the idea of stars and wishes; what's a 1 minute manager? Is there = a writers workshop site?) I "do" science and math with gusto. I appear to = be at the bottom of the Pecking order on writing from time to time=3D) Thanks, Ann 5th Middletown, MD ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits- Website is up! From: "Vanessa Gerst" Date: Sun, 11 Jul 1999 13:13:21 PDT I have not been able to get through either. But I read an email from = Susan that said something about the server being down and that we should be able = to use it on Monday. I hope this is true. I can't wait to see the site. Vanessa (OK) >From: Joan3teach@aol.com >Reply-To: "SixTraitsMailring" <6Traits@> >To: 6Traits@ >Subject: Re: 6Traits- Website is up! >Date: Sat, 10 Jul 1999 14:05:48 EDT > >I agree with you. I can't get through to the website either. This >morning, >I have received "connection untimed", whatever that means! Joan Matuga > _______________________________________________________________ Get Free Email and Do More On The Web. Visit http://www.msn.com ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Website Address - Save, Save, Save From: Susan Nixon <susan@desertskyone.com> Date: Sun, 11 Jul 1999 13:26:55 -0700 At 11:12 AM 7/11/99 -0700, you wrote: >Susan, > >Can you put the web page at the bottom of your information in case we = have >lost it (like me)? Somehow I am on the mailring but I guess I didn't get >on soon enough. I am getting good information but have felt sort of = lost. The website is developing along with the course. There's no way I have a week to just put up the site, unfortunately. =3D) Save this message - I rated it highest priority so you can find it again, unless your e-mail doesn't recognize priority flags. Temporarily: http://CyberSpaces.net/traits/ When the server gets fixed: http://6Traits.CyberSpaces.net/ Susan Nixon 2nd Grade Phoenix, AZ ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re:Rating the examples From: "Julia Poor" Date: Sun, 11 Jul 1999 16:05:28 -0500 Shopping Cart: I would assess at 3, Developing. The writer shows some awareness of the reader, and there is a feeling of the writer, but the voice is somewhat mechanical. Lego: Also 3. The voice is impersonal, there is a limited sense of audience. The writer's awareness of the reader is unclear. At the Park: Assessment 1. Neither the writer nor the reader is engaged by the writing. The writer shows no sense of the audience. A beginning writer. Alien Teacher: Assessment 4. The writer shows that he is aware of the reader. Humor appears. I think that humor shows that the author is becoming more comfortable as an writer. Julia Poor Third Grade Indiana jpoor@tctc.com ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: assignment #6 - strategies to teach voice From: "dennis.ada.swanson" Date: Sun, 11 Jul 1999 17:07:53 -0400 This might be hard...Susan already gave some that come easily to my mind...and I'm thinking "6 year old" So here goes: How about pantomime some strong emotions, then have the students identify the emotion and come up with some words you would use to tell about it...then brainstorm a few sentences...(model model model) then follow that up with setting the stage - verbally tell tham what the setting is (e.g. surprise birthday party, pet hit by a car, winning a race, spat with a best friend, going to the carnival...)...have them tell you how they would feel...come up with some words that you would use to tell about them (perhaps refer to the chart from above) and brainstorm some sentences together that show voice. Captialize on things that REALLY happen with the children and tell what you are doing writing with voice)...then together come up with a way to show the child's voice regarding what has happened. Tell stories from different points of view...we have the tortoise and the hare story told from different points of view...the tortoise, the hare, the wise owl... How about having two examples about the SAME thing or incident, one with good voice and one without (or little). Then have the children tell you which one drew them in. Do this every day for a while (wouldn't it be nice if we could help each other gather some). Just as our practicing helps us, so too will it help our little ones. Can't think of any more right now... Ada "We are all works in progress!" "Where there's a will, there's a way!" North Syracuse, New York first grade ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits- Example #4 From: "Vanessa Gerst" Date: Sun, 11 Jul 1999 14:45:17 PDT Susan, After scoring the examples and looking over what others have said about = the writing examples I have to say that I agree with some and I disagree with others. Here is how I scored examples 1, 3, and 4. I did not receive #2. Example 1: I gave it a 4. It might be a 5 though. I thought it had some humor and = was devoted to a topic but I felt it was inconsistent in its use of voice. Example 3: I gave it a 2. It seemed more like a list. Example 4: I gave it a 3. It seemed to me similar to example 3 but in more detail. = I did not feel as the audience like I interacted with the writer a great = deal. It seemed a bit stiff as well. I would like to know how you would score these. Are you going to tell us = at a later date? Did you get my email to your personal address? Vanessa (OK) >From: Susan Nixon <susan@desertskyone.com> >Reply-To: "SixTraitsMailring" <6Traits@> >To: <6Traits@> >Subject: 6Traits- Example #4 >Date: Sat, 10 Jul 1999 18:27:57 -0700 > > My Teacher is an Alien > > Jared, Patrick, and I are third graders in Mrs. Matuga=92s class at >Hyatt School. We liked our teacher until . . . > > One day when we came back from recess, our teacher looked different. >She lost all her hair. Her skin was green and her eyes were red. Our >teacher was an alien! > > When the alien Mrs. Matuga stared at students, they did bad things >like knocking over desks and stealing other people=92s stuff. They were >hitting and kicking everyone. > >All of the kids except me were doing something bad. I was saved because = I >never looked at the alien. > >The next day I brought a laser pointer to school. The teacher was just >standing there, waiting for me. I aimed my laser pointer at the = teacher, >but she saw me and teleported and landed behind me. I turned around, but = I >missed the alien because she teleported again. > >She grabbed me and dragged me into the office. She put me in a chair and >tried to stare at me, but I didn=92t look. I grabbed my laser pointer, = and >this time I aimed it right at her eyes. The alien just jumped out of = Mrs. >Matuga and disappeared! > >Everyone was back to normal =96 even Mrs. Matuga. > >The End > > _______________________________________________________________ Get Free Email and Do More On The Web. Visit http://www.msn.com ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits- Example #1 From: Jan & Forrest Keefer Date: Sun, 11 Jul 1999 09:18:29 -0500 I want to read more....Definitely a 6. The writing reminds me a lot of Erma Brombeck(sp?) Jan Keefer 2 IN ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits- assignment #6 - strategies to teach voice From: Batnonet@aol.com Date: Sun, 11 Jul 1999 19:22:31 EDT In a message dated 7/11/99 16:08:20, dennis.ada.swanson@cwix.com writes: << Tell stories from different points of view...we have the tortoise and the hare story told from different points of view...the tortoise, the hare, the wise owl... How about having two examples about the SAME thing or incident, one with good voice and one without (or little). Then have the children tell you which one drew them in. Do this every day for a while (wouldn't it be nice if we could help each other gather some). Just as our practicing helps us, so too will it help our little ones. >> How about the True Story of the Three Little Pigs vs. the traditional version? Definitely two different voices. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Voice Ex.1-4 From: "Bess Wilson" Date: Sun, 11 Jul 1999 18:45:39 -0400 This is a multi-part message in MIME format. ------=3D_NextPart_000_005D_01BECBCD.9266D6E0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=3D"iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable Ex. 1 - The writer took me right into the store with her/him. Brought =3D to mind all the times that had happened to me. Ex. 2 - I kept wanting more information. Why did he like Leggos? Which = =3D ones did he like best? I could almost hear his teacher giving the =3D assignment," Write about your favorite toy. Tell what it is and what =3D you like to do with it." I found the writing lifeless, with little or =3D no sense of the author. Ex. 3 - Knowing the background of this student given by his teacher, I =3D too would be thrilled with this piece of dictated writing. However, if = =3D we are to assess it for its voice, I didn't find very much of the =3D author's unique voice. I sometimes call this 'agenda' writing -i.e.-We = =3D did this, and then this and then this..... I gave it a 2 because the =3D writing seemed 'flat, lifeless and mechanical'. Ex. 4 - I thought this writing had voice. It certainly has a sense of =3D humor and a sense of audience. Bess Wilson Grade 6 Eldredge School 101 First Avenue East Greenwich,RI 02818 401-886-3246 lawsonb@ride.ri.net ------=3D_NextPart_000_005D_01BECBCD.9266D6E0 Content-Type: text/html; charset=3D"iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable
Ex. 1 - The writer took me = =3D right into the=3D20 store with her/him.  Brought to mind all the times that had =3D happened to=3D20 me.
 
Ex. 2 - I kept wanting = more=3D20 information.  Why did he like Leggos?  Which ones did he = like=3D20 best?  I could almost hear his teacher giving the assignment," =3D Write about=3D20 your favorite toy.  Tell what it is and what you like to do with =3D it." =3D20 I found the writing lifeless, with little or no sense of the=3D20 author.
 
Ex. 3 - Knowing the =3D background of this=3D20 student given by his teacher, I too would be thrilled with this piece of = =3D dictated writing.  However, if we are to assess it for its voice, I = =3D didn't=3D20 find very much of the author's unique voice.  I sometimes call this = =3D 'agenda' writing -i.e.-We did this, and then this and then =3D this.....  I=3D20 gave it a 2 because the writing seemed 'flat, lifeless and=3D20 mechanical'.
 
Ex. 4 - I thought this =3D writing had=3D20 voice.  It certainly has a sense of humor and a sense of=3D20 audience.
 
 
 
 
Bess Wilson
Grade =3D 6
Eldredge=3D20 School
101 First Avenue
East Greenwich,RI =3D20 02818
401-886-3246
lawsonb@ride.ri.net
<= =3D /BODY> ------=3D_NextPart_000_005D_01BECBCD.9266D6E0-- ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Fw: 6Traits- Voice Ex.1-4 From: "Bess Wilson" Date: Sun, 11 Jul 1999 22:04:40 -0400 This is a multi-part message in MIME format. ------=3D_NextPart_000_006D_01BECBE9.5F9B8A00 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=3D"iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable Am resending this email with addition of rubric levels which I forgot on = =3D the first email. -Sorry. :-) Ex. 1 - The writer took me right into the store with her/him. Brought =3D to mind all the times that had happened to me. Level 5 Ex. 2 - I kept wanting more information. Why did he like Leggos? Which = =3D ones did he like best? I could almost hear his teacher giving the =3D assignment," Write about your favorite toy. Tell what it is and what =3D you like to do with it." I found the writing lifeless, with little or =3D no sense of the author. Level 2 Ex. 3 - Knowing the background of this student given by his teacher, I =3D too would be thrilled with this piece of dictated writing. However, if = =3D we are to assess it for its voice, I didn't find very much of the =3D author's unique voice. I sometimes call this 'agenda' writing -i.e.-We = =3D did this, and then this and then this..... I gave it a 2 because the =3D writing seemed 'flat, lifeless and mechanical'. Level 2 Ex. 4 - I thought this writing had voice. It certainly has a sense of =3D humor and a sense of audience. Level 4 Bess Wilson Grade 6 Eldredge School 101 First Avenue East Greenwich,RI 02818 401-886-3246 lawsonb@ride.ri.net ------=3D_NextPart_000_006D_01BECBE9.5F9B8A00 Content-Type: text/html; charset=3D"iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable
Am resending this email = with =3D addition of=3D20 rubric levels which I forgot on the first email.  -Sorry. =3D20 :-)
 
 
Ex. 1 - The writer took me = =3D right into the=3D20 store with her/him.  Brought to mind all the times that had =3D happened to=3D20 me.  Level 5
 
Ex. 2 - I kept wanting = more=3D20 information.  Why did he like Leggos?  Which ones did he = like=3D20 best?  I could almost hear his teacher giving the assignment," =3D Write about=3D20 your favorite toy.  Tell what it is and what you like to do with =3D it." =3D20 I found the writing lifeless, with little or no sense of the =3D author. =3D20 Level 2
 
Ex. 3 - Knowing the =3D background of this=3D20 student given by his teacher, I too would be thrilled with this piece of = =3D dictated writing.  However, if we are to assess it for its voice, I = =3D didn't=3D20 find very much of the author's unique voice.  I sometimes call this = =3D 'agenda' writing -i.e.-We did this, and then this and then =3D this.....  I=3D20 gave it a 2 because the writing seemed 'flat, lifeless and =3D mechanical'. =3D20 Level 2
 
Ex. 4 - I thought this =3D writing had=3D20 voice.  It certainly has a sense of humor and a sense of =3D audience. =3D20 Level 4
 
 
 
 
Bess Wilson
Grade =3D 6
Eldredge=3D20 School
101 First Avenue
East Greenwich,RI =3D20 02818
401-886-3246
lawsonb@ride.ri.net
<= =3D /BODY> ------=3D_NextPart_000_006D_01BECBE9.5F9B8A00-- ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Here are the official scores From: Susan Nixon <susan@desertskyone.com> Date: Sun, 11 Jul 1999 20:40:48 -0700 #1- Lego Collection- Rubric score: 2 Why? The writing is stiff, lifeless and mechanical, with a lack of audience awareness. There is little hint of the writer behind the words. Personally, because there was a definite commitment to the topic (a 3 level) and because the writer appeared a bit toward the end, I was more inclined to give it a 3. Either a 2 or 3 would be fine. #2- Shopping Carts- Rubric score: 6 Why? The writer is deeply committed to the topic, covers it in a humorous way, and has an exceptionally strong sense of the audience to whom it was written. It was engaging, lively, and interesting, as well as original. = A case could be made for a 5, as well. There is only a very small = difference between a 5 and a 6. If a piece makes me laugh out loud, I usually give = it a 6. If I just smile, it's a 5. Of course, not every piece has humor and then I have to resort to other refinements. #3 Going to the park- Rubric score: 2 The student is unwilling to let others know him. The voice was stiff. However, if I had this student in my class, given what Joan shared with us earlier today, I might have used the K-2 rubric on his piece. Then I = think I would have given it a 3. #4 My Teacher is an Alien- Rubric score: 4 A strong 4, on his/her way to becoming a proficient writer. A definite voice is present, and the humor is successful. There is a sense of audience, perhaps a little inconsistent. In places, the writing was expressive, engaging, and sincere, as well as funny. Remember if you are within 1 point of these scores, you are probably fine. If you are consistently lower or consistently higher, you need to fine = tune your evaluations a bit. This is a small sample, but there will be other opportunities. I am going to send a non-fiction piece, again from Joan's class last year. See what you think about voice in this one. Susan ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Example #5 From: Susan Nixon <susan@desertskyone.com> Date: Sun, 11 Jul 1999 20:45:31 -0700 Giant Squid Did you know that scientists have never seen live giant squids? One of the= =20 reasons is that the animals don=92t swim in shallow water. They swim in= water=20 that is between 700 and 3,000 feet below the surface of the ocean. Humans= =20 can=92t dive that deep. One way scientists are trying to find out more= about=20 the giant squid is to lower a robotic underwater vehicle down to where they= =20 think that the squid might be. They will be able to maneuver the vehicle= and=20 take pictures using special cameras and powerful lights. Squid can grow to be about 60 feet long =96 the size of two school busses. = =20 They can weigh up to 1,000 pounds. The male squids are smaller than the=20 females. Squids have 8 long arms and one pair of even longer tentacles that= =20 they use to grab their prey. They have a huge eye that is about the size of= =20 our heads! They use their fin to balance themselves and turn. =20 Squids eat fish, smaller fish, and even whales. The sperm whales=20 hunt and eat giant squids. =20 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Example #6 From: Susan Nixon <susan@desertskyone.com> Date: Sun, 11 Jul 1999 20:47:43 -0700 And for more practice and comparison: Anklyosaurus Anklyosaurus is a dinosaur that lived during the Middle and Late Cretace= ous=20 Period more than 65 million years ago. It lived in the Western USA and=20 western Canada. Its name means fused reptile. It was one of the bird-hi= pped=20 dinosaurs.=20 Anklyosaurus was 32 feet long. It weighed more than 4 tons. Anklysauru= s had armor on its back. It is called the "tank" of the prehistoric world. The=20 plates of armor covered its back, sides, feet, and skull. It had spikes = on=20 its back and sides. It also had 4 spikes on the sides of its head. Its=20 armor was attached to the skeleton - not to the skin. It didn=92t have= armor=20 on its stomach. Its enemies tried to attack it on the stomach because th= at=20 was the only unprotected area. It had a long tail with a bony club at th= e=20 end. It used its tail to protect itself by swinging the club at its enem= ies.=20 Anklyosaurus was a plant-eater. It had to eat all day to satisfy its hunger. It moved slowly. =20 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits- Here are the official scores From: Geckoed1@aol.com Date: Mon, 12 Jul 1999 00:01:51 EDT I think I had a hard time giving this one a high score because it so = closely resembles the Bruce Colville book by, I believe, the same title. If = you're going to give points for mimicing voice and idea, then maybe I would agree = with the 4. Which brings up a good question...how do you score students = who are "borrowing" from other authors? Lea > #4 My Teacher is an Alien- Rubric score: 4 > > A strong 4, on his/her way to becoming a proficient writer. A definite > voice is present, and the humor is successful. There is a sense of > audience, perhaps a little inconsistent. In places, the writing was > expressive, engaging, and sincere, as well as funny. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits- Example #5 From: "Mayra" Date: Sun, 11 Jul 1999 23:09:14 -0700 I would give Example 5 a 1. If you don't look at the first sentence, the rest of the piece has a total lack of audience awareness. It gives great = and interesting facts and they are well organized, but I can't hear the voice. Now that statement makes me wonder something. . . Does every written piece have to have voice? What about all the non-fiction books? There are some with Voice (especially latelly) but I am aware that some of them are purposely stating facts, which is what this sample seems to do. Comments anyone? Mayra K-3, WI ----- Original Message ----- From: Susan Nixon <susan@desertskyone.com> To: <6Traits@> Sent: Sunday, July 11, 1999 8:45 PM Subject: 6Traits- Example #5 > Giant Squid > > Did you know that scientists have never seen live giant squids? One of the > reasons is that the animals don't swim in shallow water. They swim in water > that is between 700 and 3,000 feet below the surface of the ocean. = Humans > can't dive that deep. One way scientists are trying to find out more about > the giant squid is to lower a robotic underwater vehicle down to where they > think that the squid might be. They will be able to maneuver the = vehicle and > take pictures using special cameras and powerful lights. > > Squid can grow to be about 60 feet long - the size of two school busses. > They can weigh up to 1,000 pounds. The male squids are smaller than the > females. Squids have 8 long arms and one pair of even longer tentacles that > they use to grab their prey. They have a huge eye that is about the = size of > our heads! They use their fin to balance themselves and turn. > > Squids eat fish, smaller fish, and even whales. The sperm whales > hunt and eat giant squids. > > > ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits- Example #6 From: "Mayra" Date: Sun, 11 Jul 1999 23:12:02 -0700 Example 6 is just as 1. No voice yet. But is it necessary here? Read my previous response to understand what I mean. mayra K-3 WI ---- Original Message ----- From: Susan Nixon <susan@desertskyone.com> To: <6Traits@> Sent: Sunday, July 11, 1999 8:47 PM Subject: 6Traits- Example #6 > And for more practice and comparison: > > Anklyosaurus > > Anklyosaurus is a dinosaur that lived during the Middle and Late Cretaceous > Period more than 65 million years ago. It lived in the Western USA and > western Canada. Its name means fused reptile. It was one of the bird-hipped > dinosaurs. > > Anklyosaurus was 32 feet long. It weighed more than 4 tons. = Anklysaurus > had armor on its back. It is called the "tank" of the prehistoric = world. > The > plates of armor covered its back, sides, feet, and skull. It had spikes on > its back and sides. It also had 4 spikes on the sides of its head. Its > armor was attached to the skeleton - not to the skin. It didn't have armor > on its stomach. Its enemies tried to attack it on the stomach because that > was the only unprotected area. It had a long tail with a bony club at = the > end. It used its tail to protect itself by swinging the club at its enemies. > Anklyosaurus was a plant-eater. It had to eat all day to satisfy its > hunger. It moved slowly. > > > ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits- Example #5 & 6 From: Avis Breding Date: Sun, 11 Jul 1999 23:27:44 -0500 The squid is in a report form ... and for that level...it is probably a good report. The writer has good facts, and has found some interesting info about the squid, and how they can find out more about the animal... However.. I know nothing about the writer...;-) S/he evidentally has an interest in the squid.. but doesn't tell us that. I would give this writing a 1 or a 1.5 Dinosaur..... Again I feel the same way... it is a good report.. but for voice I don't hear again too much of the author/ess and their own ideas or thoughts. Same on this one... a 1 or a 1.5 AJB -- http://www.bismarck.k12.nd.us/bps/myhre/ 5-6 Grade Looping Teacher http://www.esosoft.com/abreding/ 5-6gradeconnection@esosoft.com *3-4gradelink@esosoft.com Call on God, but row away from the rocks = ********************* ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: 6Traits- voice in non-fiction reporting Examples 5 and 6 From: Joan3teach@aol.com Date: Mon, 12 Jul 1999 00:49:57 EDT In our district, it is very strongly emphasized that factual reports (like = on the squid and the dinosaur) should not have personal comments. The model = for this type of writing might be an encyclopedia article. Personal opinions, = etc., have been edited out of these reports. (When my children were in middle and high school, their grades were severely affected if they put in = personal comments.) I sent these factual reports to Susan because I wanted to know if there is = a rubric for voice for factual comments. Could a piece get a 4-6 without expressing feelings? Perhaps the voice = of the author is informing the readers about the topic so that the reader can = learn something. The author is not trying to inform the reader about himself/herself, but rather about the topic. If the information is = clearly understood, than the voice was present. The author is trying to = communicate about the squid or dinosaur, etc? I don't know the answers. That's why I sent the pieces to Susan. Joan I'm really interested in learning the answer to this question. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- End of 6Traits Digest